CHAPTER ONE
LEARN FROM A HORSE
At one time, I was talking to someone about having 4 children and 9 step children. As we continued our discussion, I was ready to move on when she said,
“Don’t stop! I want to hear more.:
As time has passed, I have from time to time jotted down notes, but one item keeps coming to my mind., my youngest daughter.
I arrived home from work one day to hear her mother say, “If you will give me a divorce, I will let you have your daughter.”
Before any of my readers ask how could a mother do that, let me hasten to explain that her mother knew that she didn’t have the skills necessary to raise children and was doing her daughter a favor by allowing her father to raise her.
To continue my story, as a single parent I raised my daughter. Every year I went to her school for parent-teacher conferences. And every year, I heard almost the exact same words and to paraphrase, the teachers would say;
“I don’t know what to say. She is no trouble, does all her work. She is a ‘joy to have in my class’.
From kindergarten through high school, I heard these words. So I begin this post with a number of experiences from my children and step children and hope that someone out there may capture some nugget of truth that they can apply in their life.
Before I begin, I would like to relate an experience that recently occurred. This has to do with horses.
I have yearned to have a horse most of my life. When the opportunity came for me to have a horse, I realized that I didn’t know anything about horses. So, as a reader, I purchased some books and began reading horse magazines.
One of the books, “30 Minutes a Day to a Better Horse” by Jaki Bell, touched on an important concept. If I want to have a horse that I can control and enjoy, I had better spend 30 minutes a day with that horse. Now I thought that was an interesting concept. To spend 30 minutes a day grooming, talking to, training, devoting the entire time to that horse.
WOW!!
Would that principle apply to our children. At the bottom of this blog is a ‘comment ‘ note, I welcome you to write in with any of your comments or experiences.
But to continue with my horse story:
As I read the books on training horses, one fact kept coming into view. One needs to gently guide the horse to do as you wish. One book even mentioned that the goal was to exert only 4 oz of pressure to lead a horse. If they pull away, try to run from you or control the direction of their movement, only apply enough pressure to let them know you are still there. Using your strength to control the horse will only make the horse stronger and more able to over power your wishes. So gently you exert your influence and when the horse responds to your pressure, then reward the horse with kind words. NO! Not goods or treats, but soft, sincere words and stroking of his skin, touching him so he knows that he is OK.
Then I have to think of all the conflicts I have seen between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, parents and their offspring and so many times we see the expectations of the parents being imposed upon the child with a forceful manner. The child fights back. The parent pushed harder.
I remember reading that some Native American (Indians) tribes did not allow the father to raise his son. The men of the village raised the son and maybe this was a way to prevent the push-pull of family relationships. There are many societies where the grand parents and uncles and aunts are very involved in the raising of the child.
So maybe the horse can teach us to take time, gently guide and show appreciation to our child.
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