Lingering Impressions

TWO YEARS LATER

Chapter II

Two Years ago

This is another one of those incidents that happened to me bringing up events from the past such as the one I just posted called "Over Five Years Ago".  I suppose it is out of sequence for my series of articles, but thought it was interesting and appropriate.

Many times I think that we do not realize the impact we make on others, especially children. 

Some two years ago, while I was vacationing during the winter on the gulf coast, I began carrying my laptop into a restaurant that I frequented on a regular basis.  I would play on-line chess as I waited on my food.  Before long, I had friends, cooks, wait people, people I didn’t even know sitting across from me playing on a small chess board. 

One couple who worked there, he as a cook, she as a waitress, asked me to come to their house and play chess with them.  On the afternoon that I arrived, their eight year old son watched us play. 

I am not the greatest player, but can hold my own and usually win more than I lose.  After a few games, the son expressed an interest in learning to play.  I taught him the moves and played a couple of games.  He actually won one when I let him get into my king row-not on purpose. 

For a little background, I also went once a week to a used book store where chess was played in the evening.  One night I was asked if I would like to play a young lady.  Of course, I sat down and shortly thereafter found my self in check mate.  They then told me that she was the Texas state champion for her age group which just happens to be eight. 

Things happen and I didn’t get to go south in the winter for a couple of years and even then for only a week.  I ran into the parents of the young man who I had taught to play chess.  They informed me that he still talked about me and wanted to play me again.  They also informed me that he could beat both of them most of the time and had taught his younger brother (now 8) to play chess.

We met in a park on a picnic table and this now 10 year old young man gave me a run for the money.

It makes no difference who won.  I just know that I made an impression on a young man in a way I could not have dreamed of if I had tried. 

As you read this series of articles on raising children, “A Joy to My Heart”,  one thing that you will hear me come back to time and time again is that we must pay attention to our children.  We need to give them the respect that we would to any adult and we just might, just might be surprised at the results.

Learn From a Horse

  CHAPTER ONE

LEARN FROM A HORSE

At one time, I was talking to someone about having 4 children and 9 step children. As we continued our discussion, I was ready to move on when she said,

“Don’t stop!  I want to hear more.:

As time has passed, I have from time to time jotted down notes, but one item keeps coming to my mind., my youngest daughter. 

I arrived home from work one day to hear her mother say, “If you will give me a divorce, I will let you have your daughter.”

Before any of my readers ask how could a mother do that, let me hasten to explain that her mother knew that she didn’t have the skills necessary to raise children and was doing her daughter a favor by allowing her father to raise her.

To continue my story, as a single parent I raised my daughter.  Every year I went to her school for parent-teacher conferences.  And every year, I heard almost the exact same words and to paraphrase, the teachers would say;

“I don’t know what to say.  She is no trouble, does all her work.  She is a ‘joy to have in my class’.

From kindergarten through high school, I heard these words.  So I begin this post with a number of experiences from my children and step children and hope that someone out there may capture some nugget of truth that they can apply in their life.

Before I begin, I would like to relate an experience that recently occurred.  This has to do with horses. 

I have yearned to have a horse most of my life.  When the opportunity came for me to have a horse, I realized that I didn’t know anything about horses.  So, as a reader, I purchased some books and began reading horse magazines. 

One of the books, “30 Minutes a Day to a Better Horse”  by Jaki Bell, touched on an important concept.  If I want to have a horse that I can control and enjoy, I had better spend 30 minutes a day with that horse.  Now I thought that was an interesting concept.  To spend 30 minutes a day grooming, talking to, training, devoting the entire time to that horse.

WOW!!

Would that principle apply to our children.  At the bottom of this blog is a ‘comment ‘ note,  I  welcome you to write in with any of your comments or experiences.

But to continue with my horse story:

As I read the books on training horses, one fact kept coming into view.  One needs to gently guide the horse to do as you wish.  One book even mentioned that the goal was to exert only 4 oz of pressure to lead a horse.  If they pull away, try to run from you or control the direction of their movement, only apply enough pressure to let them know you are still there.  Using your strength to control the horse will only make the horse stronger and more able to over power your wishes.  So gently you exert your influence and when the horse responds to your pressure, then reward the horse with kind words.  NO!  Not goods or treats, but soft, sincere words and stroking of his skin, touching him so he knows that he is OK.

Then I have to think of all the conflicts I have seen between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, parents and their offspring and so many times we see the expectations of the parents being imposed upon the child with a forceful manner.  The child fights back. The parent pushed harder. 

I remember reading that some Native American (Indians) tribes did not allow the father to raise his son.  The men of the village raised the son and maybe this was a way to prevent the push-pull of family relationships.  There are many societies where the grand parents and uncles and aunts are very involved in the raising of the child. 

So maybe the horse can teach us to take time, gently guide and show appreciation to our child.